The trend has been fast and intense: In the four years I’ve been dating as a single mom, there has been a steep uptick in single, younger guys who approach me online dating sites. I’m 39 and these guys are in their 20s. Opening lines include:
“I’m a Columbia Law student, so while I might be younger, I’m clearly smart and ambitious.”
“Ur hot.”
“You look like you’re fun. Want to teach me something?”
“Open to fun times with a young stud?”
As well as perfectly thoughtful messages that remark about my profile, interests or photos. The gamut.
Bit of background: All the men I’ve been involved with in my life were my age or older (in one case, way, way older but I’ll elaborate on that in another post). Twice in the past few years I was involved for a few months each with men who were 3 and 5 years my junior, and in both cases they were really, really lovely people, hyper-bright, ambitious and both were about 700% better looking than me. Both were great experiences. Even if I would star at them across the bar table or at their head on my pillow, rub my eyes and think WTF is going on here?! , my ego, I admit, was like a sow in shit …mmmmm … prrrrrr … meow … oink!
These guys were just a few years younger, and by all measures my peers — except that they were young and childless, and I was slightly older and not.
This cougar-seeking phenomenon is another thing all together. What is significant about this trend is that a) younger men historically have not been interested in older women — especially moms. After all, youth in every culture is prized in mating, as biology favors young junk. b) The uptick in this young-dude interest is so swift – and the age gaps significant.
I’m not the only one to notice. A few weeks ago my friend Perri emailed me:
I have a question for you. I just joined a dating site, and love it. But why am I being contacted by so many men who are 21 to 28 years old? I’m 42! It’s crazy. I don’t look my age but it’s there in my profile, so no guessing is involved. Is this a dare to screw an old chick? That said, I’m meeting a guy tonight to play pool. He’s great, makes me laugh, we have similar careers and education and the conversation is very easy and uncomplicated. But still – I’m perplexed!
I admit, I’m perplexed too. So I went out and did some research. And by researched, I started quizzing the Benjamin Braddocks who hit me up online.
The first one was a super-buff 24 year-old whose profile said he speaks English and Hebrew, works in finance and photos showcased him hanging with a dolphin and jamming at karaoke with his homies. His profile included:
Here’s what this fine young man said:
Oh boy, that one wasn’t too introspective — or maybe he was just really horny and desperate himself? Anyway, the next exchange wasn’t terribly valuable for gaining insights (though note his comments about looking for someone independent). A dark, handsome 27-year-old with a scrubbly face and almost zero info in his profile engaged me in this exchange:
Third one? A charm.
This 27-year-old advertising exec was again, super-cute, and his profile funny, smart and thoughtful. You know, the kind of guy I wouldn’t think twice about dating. After he ‘liked’ me, I jumped right to business:
The post What is UP with young guys hitting up older single moms?! I investigate the cougar chase. appeared first on Emma Johnson.