About a month ago my house was stricken with the most tenacious cold virus known to man. My 15-month-old son was first to come down with it, then me, then my husband. With the help of fluids and rest Cooper and Dave bounced back quickly and completely.
I, mommy, nurser to wounds seen, unseen and sometimes imagined, was not so lucky.
It wasn’t until just this past Monday that a lingering cough — a thoughtful gift of our friend, acute rhinopharyngitis — was finally sent packing. Why had it taken me almost a month to get well when both my husband and son were back in business in a matter of days?
I can only attribute my sluggish recovery to one simple saying: “Moms don’t get sick days.”
It’s true, and during the holidays, it's doubly true. Even when I was taking it easy and resting as much as I could, I still had to take care of a small human and a larger human that acts like a small human more often than not. Add a busy and hectic work schedule, an over-committed holiday schedule and the usual never-ending to-do list and you have a recipe for one worn-out mom. Of course, it would be easier to do a Clark Griswold-style light display in your front yard than get any mom, me included, to admit that she can’t handle what’s on her plate.
During the season of togetherness, giving, and pants with elastic waistbands, a mom’s needs tend to lose out to managing crises (“What could Aunt Mabel possibly want that she couldn’t buy off of QVC?” “How many holiday pageants/parades/parties do we have to attend this year?” “What do you mean I have to make 100 cupcakes by tomorrow for the homeroom Christmas party?”).
So, how does a mom survive the holidays without being resentful, burnt out, and trembling with holiday-induced PTSD?
The first step, according to psychologists Robert and Jeanne Segal, is to slow down and take time for yourself. What fun is the holiday season if you’re constantly managing one crisis or another? Learning to know your limits and keep from over committing yourself can help make your holidays the season of relaxation and togetherness that you’d expect them to be. Been putting off a trip to the salon to get the perfect gift for everyone on your list? Instead, get them a thoughtful gift such as a charitable donation in their name. It should give you time to take care of your own needs.
The second step is to get support. If you find you have too much on your plate, don’t be ashamed to recruit friends and family to help manage your load. Surely Aunt Mabel wouldn’t mind baking a few of those cupcakes for the homeroom party, and perhaps someone else can host Christmas brunch this year.
Lastly, Robert and Jeanne Segal suggest that re-evaluating your priorities can help stave off burnout in the future. “Burnout can be an opportunity to rediscover what really makes you happy and to change course accordingly,” said the two psychologists. Perhaps focusing on the more important holiday traditions, such as religious services and family meals, could help keep the season in perspective. This strategy has served my own mother, and our very large family, very well over the years. Focusing on important traditions has helped us remember what's really important — each other.
Do you have any strategies to keep from being overwhelmed and over-committed? Share them with us at jo@bubblelifemedia.com.